It Won’t Happen Again
Higher-ups often ask questions when things go wrong– “Why are you late?” “What happened to all the coffee?” “Why is my dog dead?” I used to feel compelled to answer these questions. “There was traffic.” “You drank it all.” “You don’t know how to take care of anything other than yourself; it’s a wonder your […]
Telling Stories
In keeping with this week’s sexual deviancy theme, I thought I’d finally get to the “…And then he woke up with a dick in his mouth” story. In the film and TV business, you meet new people all the time. You’re regularly expected to exchange pleasantries with strangers. This kind of small talk bugs me, […]
On Screen
(First, I’d like to point you to an amusing post on Amanda’s website, about how soon you forget what it’s like to be young and poor.) In most offices, there are enough binders to create a replica of Stonehenge entirely from supplies purchased at Staples. My boss keeps copies of everything– every script, every draft […]
Double the Standards, Double the Fun!
I was overcome with curiosity by my fellow PA’s statement yesterday, “You don’t know who I know. I could make your life a living hell.” (Seriously, though, he’s a nice guy. This is waaay out of context.) I knew he had been hired because the coordinator was told she had to hire him. So today, […]
Wanna Know How Sausage is Made?
My freshman year at film school, I knew at least a half dozen people who dropped out of the program, if not college altogether. Even more changed majors in the years following. After picking films apart for class after class, they found that they just couldn’t enjoy going to the movies anymore, which was probably […]
Making Movies for Fun and No Profit
First of all, Ken Levine somehow stole a blog post idea directly from my head. (This fits with my theory that Rupert Murdoch has a chip my brain, and he’s stealing all my good scripts before I even write them.) Ah, well, it’s probably for the best– he’s a better writer than I am, anyway, […]
Set Visits
I was walking a friend from out of state one day, and we saw a line of unmarked, white trucks along the side of the road. My friend said, “It looks like there’s a circus!” Did I mention my friend was from out of town? To an Angelino, those trucks are the surest sign that […]
You’re Fired!
I once worked for a guy who told me that he’s never had a job he wasn’t fired from. This was a point of pride for him, as it “proved” he had an entrepreneurial spirit, and he would never be successful until he started his own business. He seemed to be right. He started his […]
Awkward…
Some people are shy. Actors, generally, are not. A certain actor, let’s call him “Mick Molte,” would regularly show up on set wearing nothing but a T-shirt and a pair of pajama pants with the crotch worn through. And when I write, “nothing but,” I’m including underwear. (I must admit that I didn’t witness this […]
Do You Just Get Dumber As You Get Older, Or What?
It is an immutable fact of nature that everyone is smarter than their boss. Sure, there are exceptions, but not everyone can be Mr. Alley. I remember when Google Maps first unveiled its satellite view. I entered the address where I was working, then called my boss over. “Hey, look. That’s our office!” My boss […]
How To Succeed in Hollywood by Really, Really Trying
If, by “succeed,” you mean get a job as a PA. Beyond that, I can’t really help you. Lisa Klink had a post yesterday about what us assistants look like when you’re a big time TV writer. (Okay, she’s not J.J. Abrams-type big time, but she’s certainly more impressive than me.) She wrote that she […]
Shh… Don’t Tell Anyone.
I was delivering a script over the hill (killing trees and generating about 31 pounds of carbon dioxide). The actor’s house was in Venice, and I could literally smell the ocean breeze wafting through my open car window (with gas prices what they are, I sure as hell can’t afford to use the air conditioning). […]