Networking is a vital part of making it in Hollywood. As you establish yourself, you’re likely to get invited to a lot of events and happenings. Many of these will be worth your time, but a lot of them you may not want or be able to go to. So, how do you politely turn these down?
Why Don’t You Want to Go?
First, be honest with yourself. Do you want to go, but can’t? Or do you just not want to go? There’s nothing wrong with having personal preferences; your time is your own, after all. But in order to maintain relationships, you’ll want to approach these situations differently.
If it’s the former, being straightforward is the easy, and obvious answer. There is still a right and wrong way to phrase it, though. Don’t start with “I’d like to go” followed by “but I’m [busy doing X].” Remember…
People will ignore your feigned desire to go, and only hear “I’ve got more important things than you.” Simply flipping the phrase around makes it sound so much nicer: “I’ve got work that night, but man, going to the roller derby sounds like fun.”
You can easily add on something like “Make sure to invite me next time!” And next time, accept the invitation. If you turn someone down repeatedly, eventually they’ll stop asking. No matter what you say, it’s your actions, or lack thereof, that count.
Getting Out of It
Sometimes you get invited to an event, like someone’s short film playing at a local festival, and you just have no desire to have anything to do with it. You can still be polite.
Be honest, but not rude. “Festivals aren’t really my scene, but thanks for thinking of me!” (Again, put the positive, relationship-affirming bit after the “but.”) And if you really do like the person, simply offer an alternative– “We should totally catch up, though. Let’s get drinks [on a specific day, so they know you mean it].”
Quick Tips
A few more rules of thumb will help–
Be quick: tell the inviter you’re not coming as soon as you know that you’re not. It gives them time to find a substitute, or at least not waste mental bandwidth wondering if you’ll come or not.
Be reliable: if you say you’re going to go, go. Don’t try to spare their feelings by saying you’ll totally be at their the open mic, and then flake.
Be consistent: if you expect the option of saying no, extend that courtesy to others. Don’t get upset when friends and colleagues aren’t interested in your three-hour, one-woman show playing in a black box theater in San Pedro.
