The Goldilocks Problem

In case you don’t know the story of Goldilocks, it’s a nineteenth century fairy tale about a girl who discovers the home of three porridge-loving bears. She has some of their porridge – a spoonful from each bowl. One is too hot, one is too cold, and one is just right.

The story doesn’t say what happens to Goldilocks after her encounter with the bears, but I think she went on to have a long and enviable career working in production offices.

Every afternoon, I have to order the family-style lunch for the next day. Our daily limit – before tax and tip – is $10 per person. So, after tax and tip, that can come in at $12 per person. Keep that in mind. That’ll come into play later.

A few weeks ago, I was scolded for not ordering enough food. I didn’t say anything, but secretly thought to myself, “I ordered EXACTLY as much food as you told me to order!”

Today, I was scolded for ordering too much food. The Second Assistant Accountant stormed into the production office like an axe murderer. “We’re wasting food and we’re wasting money!” Again, I didn’t say anything. If I had a deathwish, I would have screamed one of two things:

1. This week, we’re averaging $8.83 per person per day (INCLUDING TAX & TIP). I shouldn’t be reprimanded. I should be getting a medal! They should be throwing me a fucking parade. I should be getting an AP credit with all the money I’m saving this movie. They literally could have hired ANOTHER PA with the money I saved them this week.
2. A few weeks ago, when I was scolded for ordering too little food, I ordered EXACTLY THE SAME AMOUNT as I ordered today, yet I am scolded for ordering too much. WTF?!!1! It’s not my fault that suddenly, everyone’s on a diet and doesn’t want to eat anymore.

But I can’t say that. Instead, I try my best not to let it bother me. I should be used to all the contradictions by now. I’m a PA.